Should You Discourage Your Daughter's Princess Obsession?

If you have a daughter under the age of 8, there's a good chance she has gone, or is now going through, an obsession with all things princess. Particularly if you're raising your daughter to take hold of her girl power and become a strong, well-rounded person, you may be worried about this obsession. Honestly, as the parent of two boys, I'm a little relieved that I haven't had to deal directly with this issue.

How to turn your daughter's princess obsession into something positive 

One reason you may not want to actively try to discourage your daughter's princess obsession is that kids tend to cling more tightly to the things they sense we don't approve of. That doesn't mean you can't help her re-define what princesses are all about. Here are my suggestions:

Look for stories of princesses that are known for their brains and skills

Meet the Cambodian princess who saves her husband using her engineering skills in Dara's Clever Trap

     One of my favorite new-ish princess books is the Barefoot Book Dara's Clever Trap: A Story from Cambodia. Dara's intelligence and cunning express themselves through her architecture and engineering skills. Unlike many stories which culminate with the marriage of the princess, Dara and her husband Rith wed in the first chapter of the book, so it's clear that's not the main focus of the story. When Dara goes on a trip to search for white stones she needs to build a beautiful palace for her father, the king's wicked ministers convince him that Rith plans to overthrow the king. The king sends Rith out of the country. When Dara returns, after shedding a few tears she realizes that she must get to work if she is to save her husband and she plans her trap. What's not to love about this smart, self-sufficient princess?

Fill your daughter's bookshelf with global princess stories with diverse heroines

      One of the best ways to help your daughter see that royalty and beauty come in all skin tones, sizes, and personalities is to share tales of princesses from around the world. As this list of fairy tales highlighted on the site Read Brightly shows, Cinderella tales have been told in dozens of cultures for centuries. 

     Both the artwork and the stories in The Barefoot Book of Princesses take children on a global journey. I'm especially fond of the tale "The Horned Snake's Wife" from the Iroquois people. The chief's daughter marries a handsome stranger who takes her far away. When she realizes that her husband is actually a snake disguised in human form, she must use her bravery and wits to escape his control before he turns her into a snake too.

Embrace the less obvious reasons your daughter may be drawn to princesses

 

"The Mountain Princess" in The Barefoot Book of Princesses tells the story of the powerful Persian princess Turnadot.

  Perhaps your little girl is drawn to princesses because they have been commercialized and continually marketed to her in pink, frilly form. Perhaps she is also drawn to princesses because they are powerful! As Barefoot Books' Editor-in-Chief Tessa Strickland has said, "The princess archetype isn't about material privilege or social status. It's about self-esteem and personal power."
      Of course, we also want girls and boys to know that there are many powerful women and girls who are not princesses! Look for stories with heroines your daughter can embrace even if they've never worn a crown. The website A Mighty Girl is an excellent source for book lists on this topic.

Find the original fairytales that are behind the Disney versions

     Melissa Taylor makes a strong case for why children should hear the original versions of fairytales (yes, even the scary ones. Of course that doesn't mean exposing your child to something she's not developmentally ready for.) She points out that these original tales can help a child "discover princesses who aren't dressed in the requisite pink, blue, or yellow. Who knows? Maybe you'll even find that you like troll princesses better than Cinderella." 

     There may be endings to fairytales you don't care for, or that seem to send the message that happily ever after must equal marriage and children. If that's the case, why not act out the fairytale together with your children? Ask them if they can think of another way to end the story. Then talk about which ending each of you likes best and why.

Do you have a daughter who's obsessed with princesses? Share your thoughts in the comments.

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