Tips for talking with kids about money (and three picture books to start your conversations)

I grew up in a family that talked about money. Each year when it was time to set the family budget, our parents called a family meeting where we were able to learn about what we were expecting to spend, give, and save. This was also the time when my brother and I negotiated our allowance for the year. (I say we but my older brother was really the negotiator. I tended to pick up on my father's anxiety about money, which kept me from asking for a higher allowance. But that's another post for another day!)

While your children may be too young for this kind of approach, or you may not feel comfortable sharing that much detail with your kids, there are still lots of ways to start talking with your children about money. They're certainly already picking up plenty of messages about money from marketers throughout our culture, which makes it even more important that they hear about it from their families.

Picture books to prompt conversations about money with children

It will come as no surprise to you that I think stories are a great way to spark conversations about money and values. Three of my favorite books for this purpose are A Chair for My Mother, Lin Yi's Lantern, and Chandra's Magic Light. 

I have a very distinct memory of reading A Chair for My Mother in one of my elementary reading textbooks and loving it. Of course, I was delighted to read this tale to my son recently! A little girl, her mother, and grandmother lost everything in a fire. While neighbors and family have pitched in to provide them with lots of basic furnishings, there is still no comfortable chair in the house. The mother is a waitress and her feet hurt so much at the end of the day. The mother brings home a huge empty pickle jar from the restaurant, and they begin saving all their coins for the chair. The little girl contributes with her earnings from doing little tasks at the restaurant too.

Lin Yi's Lantern tells the story of a little boy in China who is sent to the market to bargain for the special foods his family will need for their moon festival celebration. Lin Yi deeply wants a red rabbit lantern, and his mother tells him that if he bargains well and there is enough money left, he may buy the lantern. The story provides many opportunities to talk about wants and needs, as well as putting others first. 

In the materialistic culture we live in, talking with our children about generosity and compassion and how these values relate to money is so important. Chandra's Magic Light provides a good springboard for this conversation. Chandra and her sister Deena are in the marketplace one day when they see a man selling solar powered tukis (cookstoves.) They realize that if their family could have one instead of the smoky kerosene tuki they currently use, their baby brother's persistent cough would go away. The price of the solar tuki is more than their family can afford, and Chandra and Deena must figure out a way to earn it.

Tips for having money conversations with kids

• Talk about what money is and where it comes from. When my son says that he doesn't want Daddy to go to work, we talk about why he goes to work: so that he can earn money to pay for our food, our house, our clothes, and even toys and books. Because our little guy is only three years old, I also connect my work as a Barefoot Books Ambassador to a concrete goal he is excited about: our summer vacation. I remind him that when mommy leaves to go sell books, it's helping us go on our trip to St. Louis this summer! Both A Chair For My Mother and Chandra's Magic Light can help children understand where money comes from, as both children and adults work for money that they are saving up for a big goal. 
• Talk about the different ways that you can use money. I like the descriptions that Shannon Ryan at The Heavy Purse uses with kids. We can save it for something special later; we can spend it on something right now; or we can share it with someone we love. Some families choose to divide up their children's allowance for them by percentages into save, spend, and give (special banks can help with this approach). The child then decides what to spend on, what the special thing is to save for, and what she would like to give to. It's also helpful to talk with children about how the grownups in your family are doing these same things. What are you saving for? What are you giving to?
• Discuss wants versus needs. Having a three year old, this discussion comes up a lot in our house! He thinks that he needs everything. The more concrete you can make these discussions, the more helpful they will be. When you're shopping something and making your own decisions, talking out loud can be helpful. "I really love this sweater. I want it because it's so pretty. But right now, we really need to get new tires for the car so that it will be a safe car. So, I'm not going to get this sweater today, because it's something I want but it's not something I need. I have lots of other clothes I can wear." Lin Yi's Lantern can also provoke a discussion about wants versus needs, as Lin Yi has to balance his desire for a lantern with his family's needs for their special celebration dinner. 
• Encourage delayed gratification.  Little people's intense feelings can overwhelm them, including their feelings about wanting something they see in the store or on a commercial. As adults, we know those feelings will likely pass quickly because of our reasoning abilities, but a child doesn't know that. When our little guy is feeling especially intense about something he wants, I tell him that if he still wants it tomorrow, he can remind me. I tell him that then we can have a discussion about it, and try to figure out a way that he can earn the money for it. (This also isn't a bad practice to use on ourselves as adults!) 

How do you talk about money with your kids? Share your tips in the comments!