What My Child's Montessori Class Has Taught Me About Parenting

I've been a fan of the Montessori education method for quite some time (actually, if you count my own experience as a Montessori preschooler, I've been a fan since the age of three!) When our son was a baby and toddler, I incorporated some Montessori principles and activities into our home. Now that our son is enrolled in Montessori preschool, I've been a lot more immersed in the method and seen how it is shaping his development.

A couple of months ago, I had the opportunity to observe his classroom for a couple of hours, and it was fascinating watching the children work on so many different lessons. I've also seen Montessori principles at work during the many playground discussions that occur during afternoon pickup.

What our Montessori experience has taught me about parenting:

Children need child-sized tools

So often, we assume that children are not capable of tasks. Hand a three year old a long-handled broom, and he will likely find it hard to sweep the floor in an effective way because he'll be knocking the handle into the walls. Give a child a large pitcher filled to the top with water, and she may spill a lot of water or drop it when trying to pour the water into a glass. What I've seen in the Montessori classroom is that equipment that is designed for a young child's size makes it possible for them to do tasks like these well. Equipment like this can be ordered from sites like Montessori Services, but you can also find many appropriate items at the thrift store or dollar stores.

Children can take care of their environment (and they want to!) 

In the Montessori classroom, children are responsible for practical tasks like setting the table for lunch, cleaning the table after the meal, wiping up their own spills, or sweeping the stairs. Teachers introduce a very particular way for the child to do a task once that child is ready. For example, my three year old knows the proper way to set the table. However, he's not yet ready for the lesson on washing the table because it involves more steps than he can remember at this point. One of the keys for getting children to care for their environment (i.e. clean up) is to have the tools they will need easily available to them. On my observation day, I saw a child knock over a small vase of flowers on her work table. She didn't tell the teacher; she just went to the shelf to get a spill tray (which held a sponge, bucket, and drying cloth) and took care of everything herself. One related lesson that I already knew, but which has been reinforced, is that children are capable of using real materials like glass and ceramic. 

Adults are present to guide, not control

A large part of the role of the Montessori teacher is to properly set up the environment so that the child can follow his interests. Before a child can do a particular activity, the teacher has to demonstrate it to the child. Once she has shown she's capable of doing that activity, she's generally free to do it on her own, if those materials are available. As I watched the humming, bustling classroom on my observation day, I saw many situations where I would have been tempted to say things like "watch out!" or "why don't you try that a different way?" Over and over I saw children capable of doing more than I thought, as well as children coming up with their own solutions. This doesn't mean that the teachers never assisted a child with a lesson, but they did intervene far less often than most adults would around children this age.

Presenting just a few items at a time keeps children from being overwhelmed

One of the presentations I watched my son experience was a wooden continent map. Instead of telling him the name of every continent, the teacher had him pick up a continent. She told him its name, and then asked him to put it back. Once they had done this with three continents, she stopped. She took only those three continents out and asked him, "can you show me Asia?" By doing only three continents at a time, he was actually able to learn two of the continent names that day. She told him they would work again on the continent map tomorrow.

Children need to talk things out themselves

I know just how strong the temptation is for adults to work things out for kids who are having an argument. I experience this temptation on a daily basis and too often give in to it! At our son's school, when even the youngest child approaches a teacher about a problem with another child, the first thing they're always asked is "did you use your words to tell ________ that?" Children also know that they can invite their friend to have a conversation at the peace table when they are upset about something the friend has done. Once a child has been asked to the peace table by the other child, they are required to go there.

Scarcity of resources can prompt children to work things out

Typically in a Montessori classroom, there is only one of set of materials needed for a particular kind of work or lesson. There is only one Pink Tower; there is only one continent map; there's only one set of materials for window washing. This can cause conflict at first, because more than one child may want to work with a set of materials. If this happens, the child who wanted to do the material last can ask the other child if she would like to work together, but she is free to say yes or no. Without having to be directly taught about taking turns, the children naturally get used to this concept. 

Do you incorporate Montessori principles at home or school? What has the Montessori method taught you about parenting? Share your thoughts in the comments!